The Slightly Chaotic Coworker

How I Stopped Trying to Fire My Ego and Learned to Laugh With Her Instead

I have discovered something about presence.

Apparently, my mind has absolutely no intention of cooperating. 😂

This morning, I decided I was going to practice being more present throughout my day.

Nothing complicated.

Be where my feet are.

Feel my body.

Notice what I’m doing.

When my attention wanders, bring it back.

Simple.

So there I was at work, consciously reminding myself:

Okay. We’re going to stay present.

And my mind enthusiastically agreed.

Yes! Presence!

Excellent.

We’re on the same page.

For approximately four seconds.

Because then my mind said:

You know, you’re getting really good at presence.

Thank you.

Actually, you’re getting good at a LOT of things.

Oh?

We should list them.

And for a second, I started following her.

Then something in me noticed what had just happened.

I stopped and said:

“Did you just slick employ yourself?”

😂

And I swear it felt like both of us laughed.

This bitch had been specifically instructed to stop producing unnecessary thoughts and immediately created an entire performance review about how good I am at not producing unnecessary thoughts.

You cannot make this shit up.

Meet My Slightly Chaotic Coworker

That’s when I realized I have been thinking about my ego all wrong.

For a long time, spirituality taught me to think of the ego as something I needed to overcome.

Transcend it.

Silence it.

Destroy it.

Become the observer.

And I understand what those teachings are trying to communicate.

But I don’t think I want to destroy my ego.

She’s kind of funny.

And honestly, after everything we’ve been through together, firing her seems rude.

So I’ve given her a new position.

My ego is now my slightly chaotic coworker.

She’s not evil.

She’s not trying to ruin my life.

She’s just…

a lot.

She has ideas.

So many ideas.

Some are brilliant.

Some are based on legitimate concerns.

Some appear to have been written by the producers of The Young and the Restless: Twin Flame Edition.

And some have absolutely nothing to do with what we’re currently supposed to be doing.

She is basically the coworker who walks into your office while you’re working and says:

“Hey, quick question…”

And forty-five minutes later you’re somehow discussing something that happened in 2009.

😂

That’s my brain.

And I finally realized:

I don’t have to fire her.

I just can’t let her run the shift.

The Ego Is Very Good at Finding Work

This has been one of the funniest things to observe.

The mind apparently hates unemployment.

Give it nothing to solve and it will find something.

No current crisis?

Let’s revisit an old one.

Nothing threatening happening?

Let’s imagine something.

Past finally getting boring?

Let’s predict the future.

You’ve stopped obsessing over somebody?

Perhaps we should casually wonder what they’re doing.

You’re not interested?

Okay.

How about your business?

No?

Your children?

No?

Death?

Aliens?

The nature of consciousness?

Would you perhaps like to determine the exact structure of the afterlife before lunch?

😂

And apparently if none of THAT works, my ego has discovered flattery.

Jasmine, you’re becoming incredibly present.

Why thank you.

You know what else you’re incredible at?

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

😂

She’s adaptable. I’ll give her that.

I Used to Fight Her

The old version of me would have been frustrated by this.

Why can’t I just focus?

Why am I thinking about this again?

Why can’t I stay present?

And then I would have created an entirely new problem out of having the thought.

First there was the wandering.

Then came the judgment about wandering.

Then frustration.

Then analysis.

Then possibly an investigation into whether my inability to remain present indicated that I was failing spiritually.

Congratulations.

One wandering thought has now become a four-part documentary.

My chaotic coworker has successfully secured overtime.

😂

But something has changed.

Now when I realize I’ve wandered away, I don’t even need to investigate where I went.

I just say:

“Welcome back.”

That’s it.

Welcome back.

Seventy-Five Times a Day

And some days?

I might have to say it seventy-five damn times.

😂

Maybe more.

I haven’t counted because counting would undoubtedly become another project for my mind.

We’re tracking presence now! I made a spreadsheet!

No, ma’am.

Welcome back.

😂

But this has completely changed what presence means to me.

I used to think being present meant staying in the present moment.

Now I’m beginning to understand that minds wander.

Attention moves.

Thought happens.

The goal isn’t necessarily to achieve some permanent state where nothing ever carries my attention away again.

The practice is noticing.

And returning.

Thought.

Notice.

Welcome back.

Planning.

Notice.

Welcome back.

Imaginary conversation.

Notice.

Welcome back.

A completely unnecessary hypothetical scenario starring people who aren’t even currently in the room.

Ma’am.

😂

Welcome back.

If I return seventy-five times, I didn’t fail at presence seventy-five times.

I practiced returning seventy-five times.

That changes everything.

You Can’t Shame Yourself Into Awareness

There’s another reason I think this matters.

Recently, I realized something about people:

You have to feel safe enough to admit there is a problem before you can change it.

And suddenly I realized that applies to my relationship with myself too.

If every uncomfortable thought gets met with judgment, eventually I won’t want to look at my thoughts honestly.

If every old pattern makes me ashamed, I’ll hide from myself.

If every moment of distraction becomes evidence that I’m doing spirituality wrong, presence itself becomes another performance.

But if my internal environment says:

Ohhhh, look what we’re doing.

😂

then I can actually look.

There is no courtroom.

No prosecution.

No spiritual report card.

Just awareness.

And sometimes humor creates enough distance between me and the thought that I can finally see it clearly.

That’s why laughing with my ego has become unexpectedly healing.

I’m not laughing at myself.

I’m laughing because I caught the mechanism operating.

Oh, you slick little thing. I see what you did there.

And once I can see it, I have a choice.

My Ego Isn’t the Enemy

I don’t want an internal war anymore.

I’ve had enough wars.

I don’t need Jasmine versus Jasmine happening inside my own head.

My ego developed for reasons.

She learned how to anticipate danger.

She learned how to analyze people.

She learned how to prepare.

She learned how to seek approval.

She learned how to keep me from feeling rejection.

She learned how to tell stories when uncertainty felt unbearable.

Some of those skills probably protected me once.

I don’t need to hate her for still occasionally showing up for work.

I just need to update the organizational chart.

😂

She’s an employee.

Not management.

She can bring something to my attention.

She doesn’t automatically get to decide what it means.

She can suggest a storyline.

I don’t have to enter it.

She can raise an alarm.

I can check whether there’s actually a fire.

Which, considering my recent history with fire alarms, is perhaps not the best metaphor for me.

☠️😂

But you get the point.

Maybe Presence Is Becoming a Safe Place to Return To

This is the part I didn’t understand before.

I thought presence required discipline.

And yes, attention requires practice.

But maybe it also requires safety.

Because I am much more willing to notice that I’ve wandered when I know I’m not going to attack myself for wandering.

So now:

There you went.

No problem.

Welcome back.

And suddenly presence doesn’t feel like another impossible standard I’m trying to meet.

It feels like home.

I can leave home.

I can get distracted.

I can wander halfway across the neighborhood chasing some fascinating thought.

I can apparently stop along the way to compile a comprehensive list of everything I’m exceptionally good at.

😂

But eventually awareness taps me on the shoulder.

And I remember.

Oh.

I’m here.

And I come home.

No punishment required.

Keep the Coworker. Retain Management Privileges.

Maybe we don’t need to destroy our egos.

Maybe we need to change our relationship with them.

Listen when they have something useful to say.

Comfort them when they’re scared.

Question them when they’re telling stories.

Laugh when they become ridiculous.

Thank them for trying to protect us.

And lovingly remind them who is running the shift.

Because my slightly chaotic coworker will probably show up again tomorrow.

She’ll have theories.

Concerns.

Ideas.

Old memories.

New projects.

A few completely fabricated emergencies.

And apparently occasional unsolicited compliments designed to keep herself employed.

That’s okay.

I actually kind of like her.

She just doesn’t get the keys anymore.

So when she wanders into my consciousness carrying another unnecessary stack of paperwork, I’ll probably smile.

“Oh, we’re doing this now?”

She’ll know she’s been caught.

I’ll laugh.

She’ll laugh.

And then I’ll tell both of us:

Welcome back.

Maybe that’s presence.

Not never wandering.

Not silencing the mind.

Not becoming some perfectly enlightened human who never gets distracted again.

Just becoming so safe inside yourself that no matter how many times your mind wanders away—

you always know how to welcome yourself home. ❤️

Closing Reflection

How do you speak to yourself when your mind wanders?

Do you get irritated?

Do you shame yourself?

Do you assume that being distracted means you are failing?

What if, instead of trying to fire your ego, you simply changed its job description?

Let it bring you thoughts.

Let it bring you fears.

Let it bring you dramatic theories and completely unnecessary mental side quests.

Then decide what actually deserves your attention.

You do not have to believe every thought.

You do not have to obey every impulse.

You do not have to punish yourself for wandering.

You can simply notice.

Smile.

And say:

Welcome back.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Maybe the goal was never to become perfectly present.

Maybe the goal was to become so safe inside yourself that no matter how far your mind wanders, you always know how to come home.