Thoughts Are Allowed in the Car They Just Don’t Get the Keys

Something strange happened today.

My mind got quiet.

Not empty.

Not numb.

Not because I was meditating in perfect silence or sitting cross-legged somewhere trying desperately not to think.

I was living my life.

Working on my computer.

Formatting pages.

Reading sentences.

Moving my hands.

Breathing.

Getting up.

Sitting back down.

Thinking about the next word I wanted to type.

Nothing particularly mystical was happening.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I noticed:

It is really quiet in here.

😂

My ego hadn’t submitted a screenplay.

She hadn’t manufactured an emergency.

She hadn’t wandered backward into something that happened years ago or fifteen minutes into a future that hadn’t happened yet.

She was just…

quiet.

And suddenly I understood why.

I had been with myself all day.

Watch the Baby

Some time ago, I started thinking about awareness as watching the baby.

My thoughts could happen without automatically becoming instructions.

I could observe them.

Oh.

There’s jealousy.

There’s fear.

There’s comparison.

There’s the urge to investigate.

There’s the story that says something terrible might happen.

I didn’t have to hand every thought a microphone simply because it appeared.

I could watch.

And that changed a lot.

Because before that, I often didn’t realize I had become the thought until I was already halfway through whatever story it had written.

A thought appeared.

Then another.

Then another.

And suddenly I wasn’t sitting in my actual life anymore.

I was living inside a mental simulation.

So I learned to watch the baby.

Not because the baby was bad.

Because babies require supervision.

😂

You don’t hand a toddler the keys to the SUV because you respect her autonomy.

You lovingly say:

Absolutely not, ma’am. I’ll drive.

That was awareness beginning to take its rightful place.

Then Came the Slightly Chaotic Coworker

Later, I stopped thinking of ego as something I needed to defeat.

She became my slightly chaotic coworker.

She meant well.

Mostly.

😂

She would slide unsolicited reports across my desk:

I think that person looked at us funny.

Should we replay that conversation eleven times?

I have constructed an elaborate theory involving three Facebook likes and a vague facial expression.

Would you like to hear it?

And somewhere along the way, I realized fighting with her only created another argument inside myself.

So I stopped.

Instead of:

SHUT UP. THAT’S STUPID. WHY AM I THINKING THIS?

I started going:

Huh. Okay. Tell me what you’re worried about.

Sometimes I even metaphorically popped popcorn and let her finish the story.

And an amazing thing happened.

When I stopped fighting her, she became much easier to hear without obeying.

I could partner with my mind without becoming it.

She could report information.

Awareness made the decision.

That was another piece.

And Today I Found the Next One

Today I realized something even simpler.

The baby wasn’t acting out.

The coworker wasn’t creating unnecessary paperwork.

The passenger wasn’t grabbing at the steering wheel.

Because I hadn’t left.

I had been here with myself the whole day.

Not busy enough to avoid myself.

That’s important.

I wasn’t distracting myself into silence.

I was present enough that there was nothing else I needed my mind to manufacture.

I was typing.

So I typed.

I was reading.

So I read.

I was walking.

So I walked.

I was breathing.

So I noticed the breath.

I didn’t keep mentally leaving the room and forcing some frightened little part of me to figure out where the hell we went.

😂

Adult Jasmine was home.

And perhaps for the first time, I understood presence not simply as paying attention to life.

Presence was:

not leaving myself alone inside of it.

Maybe Ego Gets Loud When Management Leaves

That thought made me laugh.

Maybe my ego has been doing half this ridiculous shit because she assumed somebody had to run the place.

😂

Awareness wandered off into the past.

Or disappeared into an imaginary future.

And Slightly Chaotic Coworker looked around the office like:

Welp. Guess I’m management now.

Suddenly she’s making projections.

Running risk assessments.

Checking relationship status.

Analyzing old conversations.

Predicting disasters.

Creating backup plans for things that have not happened.

Opening seventeen browser tabs labeled:

WHAT IF.

And then awareness returns three hours later like:

WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?!

😂

But today?

Management was present.

There was nothing for ego to take over.

So maybe she really was sitting somewhere quietly coloring.

And I love that image.

I don’t want to fire her.

I don’t hate her.

I don’t want her beaten into submission.

I don’t need her gagged and locked in the trunk while Enlightened Jasmine drives us into the sunset.

😂

Baby girl can come.

Bring the crayons.

Acceptance Made the Ride Smoother

There is another piece of this that I don’t want to miss.

I’ve been practicing not fighting what is.

Whatever the moment contains, that’s what I have to work with.

I don’t need to argue with reality before I experience it.

I don’t need to say:

This shouldn’t be happening.

I shouldn’t feel this.

That person shouldn’t have done that.

I should be further along.

My mind should be quieter.

The moment is already here.

Fighting it only creates a second layer.

So more and more, I simply meet it.

This is happening.

Okay.

What now?

And somehow life feels smoother.

Not because uncomfortable things stopped occurring.

Because I stopped wrestling every uncomfortable thing to the ground before allowing it to pass.

Sometimes a feeling comes.

I notice it.

I stay.

It moves.

Sometimes a thought comes.

I hear it.

I stay.

It moves.

Sometimes ego has something useful to say.

I listen.

Sometimes she is being ridiculous.

I thank her for her contribution to the meeting.

😂

Then I continue.

Thoughts Are Allowed in the Car

This might be the clearest metaphor I have now.

My thoughts are allowed in the car.

My ego is allowed in the car.

Fear can ride sometimes.

Old programming might occasionally climb in.

Little Jasmine definitely gets a seat.

Nobody has to be thrown out.

But there is only one driver’s seat.

Awareness drives.

My mind can say:

I’m worried.

Awareness can answer:

I hear you.

My mind can say:

We should probably investigate this for four hours.

Awareness can answer:

No, thank you.

My mind can say:

What if—

Awareness can say:

If that happens, we’ll handle it then. Right now we’re driving.

Nobody has to fight.

I just keep the keys.

The Goal Isn’t a Quiet Passenger

And this may be the most important thing I learned today.

I cannot make having a quiet mind my new spiritual achievement.

Because the second I do that, I’ve created another way to fail.

Oh no. Ego talked a lot today.

I must have lost my presence.

Ascension privileges revoked.

😂

No.

Some days my mind will be quiet.

Some days Slightly Chaotic Coworker is going to show up with charts.

Possibly a PowerPoint presentation.

Maybe snacks.

She has concerns.

😂

Peace cannot depend on whether she talks.

Peace comes from knowing:

I am still driving.

That changes everything.

Because then I don’t have to fear my own thoughts.

A thought cannot overthrow me simply by appearing.

An emotion cannot become my identity simply because I feel it.

An old wound cannot become my future simply because it aches.

I can experience all of it while remaining here.

Someone Trustworthy Is Home

And this is where the whole thing became unexpectedly tender.

Maybe the reason baby-mind felt so quiet today was simply because she finally had company.

She didn’t have to monitor every door.

She didn’t have to watch the horizon.

She didn’t have to predict what might hurt us next.

She didn’t have to keep the entire nervous system on standby.

Because somebody trustworthy was home.

Me.

Not perfect me.

Not enlightened me.

Not permanently regulated me.

Just conscious me.

Present me.

The woman who notices when the baby gets scared.

The woman who listens to the chaotic coworker without promoting her to CEO.

The woman who can feel a wound without abandoning herself inside it.

The woman who knows how to come back.

Welcome Back

That may be why those two words have become so important to me:

Welcome back.

Not:

Where were you?

Not:

You failed again.

Not:

You’re terrible at presence.

Just:

Welcome back.

Because I understand now that awareness wandering isn’t the problem.

The practice is returning without punishment.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Eventually, perhaps, we spend longer stretches at home.

Like today.

And maybe that’s what happened.

I stayed.

Moment after moment.

Nothing spectacular.

Just enough presence that the part of me accustomed to running the whole operation finally noticed:

Oh. She’s here.

And put down the clipboard.

Maybe picked up a purple crayon.

😂❤️

Management Is Here

I used to believe peace would arrive when I finally figured out how to silence my mind.

Now I think peace may be something much kinder.

My mind never needed to disappear.

My ego never needed to become my enemy.

The baby never needed punishment.

The chaotic coworker never needed termination.

They needed leadership.

They needed awareness.

They needed someone to stay.

And today, I did.

I stayed with myself through ordinary minutes.

Through typing.

Through breathing.

Through working.

Through walking.

Through nothing particularly important.

I didn’t abandon myself for the past.

I didn’t race myself into the future.

I lived where my body was.

And it was remarkably quiet.

So perhaps this is the next layer of healing:

I don’t need to control every thought.

I just need to remember where the keys are.

My thoughts can come.

My feelings can come.

My ego can ride.

Little Jasmine can bring every damn crayon she owns.

But awareness sits behind the wheel.

And if my mind gets loud tomorrow?

Fine.

She can talk.

I’ll still be here.

Because maybe the safest thing my mind ever needed to learn was not that somebody would finally make all the scary things disappear.

It was:

Someone trustworthy is home now.

I am. ❤️

Closing Reflection

What would change if you stopped treating your mind like something that had to be conquered?

What if the anxious, overthinking, protective part of you is not trying to ruin your life — but trying to manage what it does not trust anyone else to manage?

Ask yourself:

When do I tend to leave myself?

Do I disappear into the past?

Do I race into the future?

Do I abandon my body while I replay conversations, anticipate problems, or try to control what comes next?

And what happens when I stay?

When I feel my feet.

Notice my breath.

Pay attention to the task in front of me.

Let this moment be enough.

Maybe presence is not about achieving a permanently quiet mind.

Maybe it is about becoming someone your mind can trust to return.

Someone who listens without obeying every thought.

Someone who notices fear without making fear the driver.

Someone who can say:

I hear you. I’m here. I’ve got the keys.

You do not have to force your mind into silence.

You do not have to fight the baby.

You do not have to fire the chaotic coworker.

You just have to remember who is driving.

And when you wander?

Welcome back.

No punishment.

No shame.

Just return.

Again and again.

Until one day, perhaps, some frightened little part of you finally looks up and realizes:

Someone trustworthy is home now.

And you can answer:

I’m staying, baby girl.

I’m home to myself. ❤️